I want need one of these

Christmas Carols

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,

11. Tourets - We wish you damn crap Christmas and a chicken in your New Year.

12. Delusional - I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.

13. Major Depressive - Silent Night, Lonely night...all is sad...

15. Seasonal Affective Disorder - Walking in a winter bummer land.

16. Manic - Joy to the World...the sex is free.

17. Work-a-holic - Away in an office, no time for the family

18. Post-partum Depression - What child is this...

19. Autistic - Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, .....

20. Acute Stress Disorder - The 12 days of stressful Christmas

21. Agoraphobia - There's something stuck up in the chimney and I don't know ho to get out

22. Alzheimer's - On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...oh dear...I can't remember what they gave me?

23. Dyslexia - We wish yuo a happy Chirstmas and a mrry new yaer.

24. Insomnia - 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse...and once again I'm up staring at the clock unable to fall asleep.

25. Kleptomania - You're a mean one Mr. Grinch

Tips and tricks I gathered from 4 days of sweat and sautés.

By Frances A. Largeman-Roth, RD, Food and Nutrition Editor

Always on the lookout for better ways to do things, I showed up recently at a healthy-cooking boot camp at the renowned Culinary Institute of America (CIA) in Hyde Park, New York. And after a whirlwind 4 days in hot kitchens, I came away with some strategies that I can use at home--and so can you.

• Pound pieces of meat (such as pork loin and chicken breast) flat before cooking them. It makes smaller, healthier servings look bigger and helps tenderize the meat and allow for even cooking. (Check out our recipe on page 156 for an example.)

• Instead of a wok, use a sauté pan for stir-fries. Professional stove-top burners are big enough to heat a wok completely, but the smaller home burners don't work as well.

• Make pesto with walnuts instead of pine nuts to boost your omega-3 fatty acids. Add walnuts to salads, too.

• Sneak in healthy fat and fiber by adding ground flaxseed to waffles, meatballs, and smoothies. You'll find flaxseeds in the baking or bulk section of most grocery stores; just store them in your fridge. It's easy to grind them in a coffee grinder.

• Replace ¼ cup of all-purpose flour in quick bread and muffin recipes with the same amount of nut or seed flour, such as almond or hazelnut. It gives a subtle nutty flavor and boosts the good fat and fiber.

• Use roasted garlic cloves to replace some of the oil in aioli and creamy dips. Instead of 1 tablespoon of oil, use 3 smashed cloves.

If you've ever fantasized about going to culinary school, you can check out the boot camp experience at www.ciachef.edu/enthusiasts/programs/bootcamps.asp